Twelve tips to make your U.S. election night party truly memorable

By Mark Hinson

The presidential campaign of 2016 will surely go down in the history books as one of the most civil, dignified, issue-focused races ever run in America.

I’ll wait here a minute until you stop howling with laughter.

The rancor, name-calling and Twitter hissy-fits that accompanied the Clinton-Trump slap-fight made a cage match between two rabid, poo-slinging spider monkeys seem cuddly and cute.

The divisive, polarizing tone of this election will no doubt spill over into the election night watch parties that are planned on Tuesday night not just in the U.S. but around the world

To help ease the strain in the room, I’ve come up with a few fun party tips to help lighten the mood during your watch party:

• Print up fake plane tickets and passports to Canada as party favors.
• Give guests their choice to drink out of a bedazzled Bad Hombre pimp cup or a Nasty Woman coffee mug.|
• Make everyone take a shot of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky every time one of the talking heads on TV uses the words “swing state.” Your guests will be so blotto by the time the winner is announced that it won’t matter who wins.
• Set up a Trump taco bar and then put a wall around it.
• Hire a private server to dish up bland vanilla ice cream at the Clinton-themed table. (Get it? Private server.)
• Prepare a “deplorable basket” filled with goodies and cookies. Other party treats include Huma Abedin hummus, Anthony Weiner sausage links and Hillary Clinton “Little Seizure” pizza slices.
• Serve up screwdriver cocktails but re-name them The Orange Menace in honor of Trump.
• Break out the iPhones and have everybody record an attack ad about the unpopular candidate of their choice. It’s a real stress-reliever. Profanity and bad raps songs are encouraged.
• Keep the party rockin’ with a playlist that includes “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” by The Smiths, “Song of the Rats Leaving the Sinking Ship” by American Music Club, “(We Don’t Need) This Fascist Groove Thang” by Heaven 17, “Burn the Witch” by Radiohead, “First Few Desperate Hours” by The Mountain Goats and “Idiot Wind” by Bob Dylan.
• Mess with your guests and insist on changing the channel to TCM to watch Alfred Hitchcock’s “Saboteur” (1942) at 9:15 p.m. on Tuesday.
• Keep pestering everyone by repeatedly asking, “Hey, are the Seminoles (or your favorite hometown team) ahead yet?”
• Hold a trivia contest about the history of the inhabitants of the White House over the years. Sample question: “True or false: Nude photos of Eleanor Roosevelt nearly ruined FDR’s chance of election in 1932?”

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Credit: Tallahassee Democrat, www.tallahassee.com