Decisions that hurt also open new doors

Well my friends, I gathered the courage and I did make the jump towards a new life, a new future. (Click here, to read about the dilemma I faced.)

I’m not going to lie and say that I’ve arrived at the happy ending of a fairy tale. I hope not. I hope this is the beginning of my life as an adult. I haven’t figured out a lot of things; I’m kind of going with the flow. It’s like the feeling you have when you wake up in a strange place and it takes a while to recognize where you are.

As usual, jumping was really hard. I have had the same life for many years. I was accustomed to avoiding conflict, keeping my feelings to myself, and playing nice. I was raised to be the smart, quiet lady. I played that part for many years until, for some strange reason, something woke me up and I realized I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

The long view.

One day I realized that life was passing me by and that I had to make a change. Change has consequences, severe consequences, like losing friends and family, hurting people, and this is what I regret the most. I have become the gossip in town, the shame of my family, and have made a lot of enemies. But I have survived the first step, even though it was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life.

After making my decision, I was alone for a long time, without the people who had mattered most to me, and it hurt deep inside, I have cried so many nights because of the choice I made and the consequences it had on those who had been around me. I have no idea how many times I’ve apologized to those I’ve hurt but I know it won’t fix anything, at least for now. I am okay with the decision and will live with my regrets.

Although it’s been a hard road to travel following my decision, I understand that it is the only a way forward. I also know that things will improve. Losing people is part of the cycle of life. Sometimes, like in my case, it’s the price of a new life, one where I get to be me and can stop worrying about what people will say. No more pretending that I am something that I am not.

My new life is filled by the laughter of my amazing, beautiful daughter, her hugs, the play time, and because of that I will be forever grateful. I hope I can live up to this amazing child that God gave me. This is my new life, with soft music, special friends, crazy moments, smiles, winks and an amazing job. Future plans are still developing but I’ve learned that if you plan too much, you can miss out on life’s surprises. And I love surprises.

Someone taught me an amazing English expression, so from now on when someone asks, “How are you?” I’ll answer, “I’m peachy”. Life is indeed peachy, friends. Let’s not lose hope.