After a grim and grueling year, our well-deserved December holiday is finally here. We will don pointy red hats, exchange gifts, and eat too much. Drink we must and drink we will.
Time to party like it’s 123 A.D!
The festival of Saturnalia starts on December 17 and culminates with the birthday of our glorious Sol Invictus on the 25th. As darkness envelopes the northern hemisphere, we pray and sacrifice for King Sol to light our benighted world.
The winter solstice is the most beautiful time of the year, the joyful season when both the poor and the mighty decorate their shops, homes and streets with brightly colored ornaments. We light candles and hang lanterns to brighten the nights. Our neighbors and friends wear outlandish outfits, and many enjoy the temporary suspension of public morality to dance, disrobe, roll dice and engage in acts that would be make a pig blush during the rest of the year. For those who need extra encouragement there will be mulled wine and spiced drink to lubricate long nights of irreverence.
Every hamlet will designate a “Lord of Misrule” to lead the way, encourage mayhem, and speak truth to power. Remember: short of murder, nothing you say or do during Saturnalia can be held against you. Bosses become workers and workers, bosses. The meek inherit the earth and turn it upside down, if only for a week.
So stick it to The Man and enjoy it while it lasts.
Alas, no good tradition goes unpunished. There is a dark side to all the merriment. Prudish forces of political correctness always try to co-opt our ancient ways. The holier-than-thou insist upon saying “Happy Holiday” instead of “Io Saturnalia.” These self-proclaimed saints demand that the traditional week of debauchery be replaced with just one quiet, solemn day on the December 25.
Don’t be fooled by these repressed pilgrims! The puritanical few should not be allowed to dictate morality over those of us who honor tradition. Fight for your right to party!
We true believers must hold fast to our traditional lasciviousness and sacrifice. And when it comes to sacrifice, don’t forget that the Gods prefer suckling pigs.