The blokey blokes and their very narrow tastes: MAFS Australia, part 3

Editor’s note: This is the third of a four-part series about Married at First Sight, the international reality television show. The show originated in Denmark in 2013 and now has franchises in the United States, the United Kingdom and Australia. The first part was My VPN took me to Australia and dropped me into ‘Married at First Sight’. The second part was Heritage kids and the Great Australian Wedding confusion

Enough about brides, now let us talk about the blokey blokes. They arrive on MAFS with neck tattoos done under low wattage light bulbs and haircuts produced by cousins who should never be allowed near clippers. These shy bachelors tell the cameras they have trouble meeting women, which is accurate if you interpret trouble as a long pattern of bad decision making.

You can spot a tradie among them instantly. Calloused hands and a shirt with a paint stain shaped like Tasmania. A straightforward belief that emotional depth involves saying sorry three days later.

These men have two major sources of romantic education. The first is pornography, which has taught them to expect flexibility, gratitude and background music with a thumping bassline.

The second is travel to Southeast Asia, where the nightlife economy has convinced generations of tourists that male charisma is an optional add-on

There is nothing wrong with a singles vacation, but too many men return with romantic expectations shaped by a world where enthusiasm is part of the service industry and the ultimate prize is not a wedding ring on the finger, but a visa stamp in the passport.

So our blokey bloke develops a narrow template. He wants someone younger. Smaller. Darker. With almond-shaped eyes. Impressed by his bloke-iness. Always cheerful and capable of overlooking gaps in his personality and his teeth.

Then he arrives on MAFS. He walks swankily into the ceremony, flashing his newly engineered smile and imagining a certain type of woman, perhaps like the type he met in Phuket at two in the morning. Instead, he meets a normal adult. A woman with her own business, career, or job. A woman with opinions who expects conversation and effort and dishwashing, diapers, and laundry detergent.

And then he folds like a wet wipe. He notifies the TV producer that she is not his type. Not what he ordered. He wipes his mouth after the kiss. He looks like a man who has stumbled into a masterclass he did not sign up for.

This isn’t malice at work so much as behavioral conditioning. He has grown used to environments where women flatter him and cater to his whims. When confronted with someone who expects equal partnership, he does not know where to file the information.

If the show were honest, every groom would fill out a short questionnaire.

1. Have you ever travelled to Pattaya, Phuket or Angeles City?
2. If yes, how many return trips?
3. Do you agree that this may have shaped your expectations of adult women.

But the producers prefer suspense. So the blokey bloke walks down the aisle to the cheers of his blokey mates, the bride smiles bravely and the audience settles in for the moment when he announces she is not the petite fantasy he imagined, so he is quitting the experiment and going for a few beers with his mates instead.

And in the end the bride is not left at the altar. She is sacrificed on it.